


Innocence Lost

by bornofstorms



Series: Innocence Lost [1]
Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Sex, Drinking, Escapism, F/M, Incest, Light Angst, Oral Sex, Public Sex, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-08 00:10:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1126034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornofstorms/pseuds/bornofstorms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After 4.11 Catch Me If You Can, Elena and Jeremy escape from Mystic Falls, and their lives. They're not really heading anywhere, just far far away. They've got cash, weapons, blood bags and a fuckton of vampire and human tension in the car with them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Innocence Lost

**Author's Note:**

> The format of the fic is that the big spaces are separate scenes that can have any given amount of time between them. Days, weeks, months. So while they do consecutively come after each other, they're not necessarily events that happened right after. 
> 
> Link to fanmix I made especially for this fic - http://8tracks.com/immortalsins/highway-to-incest-paved-hell  
> Also, graphic - http://sapphicsol.tumblr.com/post/72699533683/

There was an excitement in her face, a determination. One he hadn’t seen in a long time, when she told him they were leaving. Her voice was serious, but there was something beneath the surface. Almost like she was holding back from smiling. Almost. We're getting out of here she told him, you and me, together, and that was all he needed. They packed cash, weapons, some clothes, and blood bags. It’s what they needed to survive, and all they needed.

****

They left behind some of the most valued pieces of their identity. Diaries and video games. Their favorite clothes and little trinkets they'd kept from childhood. Photographs of their parents, of their aunts and uncles, of them. And when they got passed that, stripped themselves of everything they'd so desperately held on from the past, it wasn't the people they’d fought so hard to hold onto that left that house, and there was no false piece of identity left for them to hide behind. Elena and Jeremy Gilbert lived here for eighteen years, they grew up here, and when they closed the door for the last time, they were finally accepting the fact that they had lost sight of those people a long time ago.

 

The car was loaded, front door locked for the last time, and they drove out into the ever expanding night, away from Mystic Falls. No particular direction they were going, just gone. There was a chance that this was the biggest mistake that either of them had ever made, but Elena turns on the music loud enough to drown out thinking. From the passenger's seat Jeremy watched everything he ever knew speeding by him, and disappearing for the last time. By the time they reached the town’s limit, it was almost calming to think he’d never see any of it again.

****

 

****

She drove them for two days straight before Jeremy insisted that he start driving too. It was easy for her to get lost in the focus of driving, tapping the beat of the music on the steering wheel with her fingers. He rarely fell asleep, too pumped from the nerves of leaving, too focused on the fact that he was sitting in a car next to a vampire. His mind slowly building heinous thoughts upon heinous thoughts as he sat there staring out the window. For the first couple of hours he’d been able to forget, the rush of everything overshadowing hunter impulses, then they seeped in as daylight began to shine into the car. For a single second he wondered why she wasn’t burning, and then he wanted to make it happen.

****

He’d sit listening to her hum along to songs he’s heard since childhood, getting pushed closer to an edge every minute. He’d close his eyes to blink and see images he wants to forget, his brain obsessing over thoughts of killing her, leaving him left with the ever weakening urge to fight it. By day two instead of thinking about wrapping his hands around Elena's throat, he directed his mind to wanting to wrap them around the steering wheel. Control something, try to exhaust his muscles with driving a car for hours. This, what he was doing and living right now, is not how he wanted to live. They left everything they’d ever known, so their lives would not be this. No matter how far they traveled from the people who were trying to use them, so much damage had already been done. This was never supposed to be their lives.

****

Elena took them as far as she could into the middle of nowhere, and then handed the keys to him, her hand clasping with his.

****

“I don’t think I have to tell you why you really need to be careful about not crashing the car.” She squeezes before letting go, the keys pushing sharply into his hand. The pressure of the keys takes him from the physical pain of him resisting to attack her for touching him, to acknowledging the comfort she brings with her touch.

****

They spend days and nights working over the basics of driving a car. Elena trying to teach him the rules of driving based off memory. After their parents died they never had the time to teach him how to drive. It slipped by like so many other things. Every time she didn’t have the answer to a question he had, she would reach for her phone that she’d purposely left at the house. Hands awkwardly drifting over pockets, pretending like she didn’t just do what she’d just done.

****

She’d have him drive around in an empty field trying to train him how to drive straight, then having him turn, and yelling at him every single time he forgot to turn on his turn signals. They wasted gas and time, but neither of them really minded spending hours driving not going anywhere. For brief moments they got to forget what they were doing out in a field in the middle of nowhere. Jerky stops and nervous laughter melting away the stress. Like Jeremy was learning how to drive because it was time he learned, not because Elena couldn’t take all of this on by herself, not because he needed something safe to focus on.

****

There was a looming pressure in the back of her mind to get farther away from Mystic Falls, but she couldn’t deny feeling free for the first time in a long time. Being far enough, and not having to worry about what’s around the corner, or who might die today.

****

She thought about how this should have been their parents doing this, like they’d done for her, but it was just them. No mom, no dad, no aunts, no uncles, no teachers to help.

****

Jeremy pulled out onto the road driving south after three days of training, his eyes fiercely trained on the road. Elena sat in the passenger side, window down, hand out feeling the air move against her, humming along with the CD she knew by heart trying to ease the tense feeling of him driving on the freeway. She never took her eyes off him, every once in a while reminding him of something she taught him. He drove for two hours before Elena took over.

****

"I'm sorry, I can't take anymore of your lane changes."

****

The next day five.

****

"It's okay, it's okay. That guy was totally in the wrong. Give me the keys, I'll drive the rest of the way."

****

The day after they started switching on and off regularly.

****

"I really need some sleep. Don’t kill us."

 

As far as they were aware, no one from Mystic Falls had attempted contact. Each second pushing them further from the place they had called home. The doppelgänger and hunter were too precious of commodities to let their disappearance slip by. And their friends would be looking too. She knew it probably wouldn’t be long until they were found, but couldn’t make herself turn around. It felt selfish and awful, but good. Ripping themselves free of that town, of those people. Every time she thought of going back, her foot unconsciously pushed harder on the accelerator to get away. Mystic Falls was a toxic disease she couldn’t subject them to for a second longer.

****

Elena reached her arm around Jeremy’s head rest, and played with the hair at the back of his hand as he drove, reading her book with one hand and her knees up. He nudged it away at first, but ultimately gave into the feeling of her touch. She could feel the blood rushing through his body, and every time she thought about anything even close to adverse she focused that much more on her book. No one from home or anywhere else was going to harm him, and certainly not her. They’re doing this together, because they need each other. Because she’s there to keep him safe. By the time they stopped to get gas and switch drivers, she’s finished reading.

****

 

****

They’d spend days driving around states that would take them a few hours to get out of, trying to not leave a straight or constant route. Or they’d stop for the day and do nothing but plan. Going to non-franchise diners whispering over pancakes about where they are, and where they’re going. Using the crayons on the table to draw things out on their paper placemats. Feet brushing against feet, and then quickly backing as far away under the booth as they can. They never got too far before anything else seemed like a good idea to talk about. The subject slipped so easily out of their conversations, it was like it wasn’t even about their life. He’d eat his pancakes, and she’d eat her waffles. Eyeing and smiling at their waitress, thinking about how much better she’d taste.

****

 

****

If there was one thing she learned, it was that every town, no matter how small, had two things. A church, and a bar.

****

She didn’t like to admit it, but apart from the endless asphalt of highways, what they see the most of is the that one that still holds meaning for them. Pulling over after a long day of driving into mostly empty bars, she’d compel the bartender to give her drinks for free, and against all her better judgment, for Jeremy too. He looked away, and tried to not think about she was doing. It was wrong, all of this was so wrong. Yet he still goes up to get more when he's staring at the bottom of an empty bottle.

****

It takes a lot of drinks to get the vampire drunk, not too many to get the eighteen year old. She tries to cut him off before he does every time. Stealing his drinks when he's not looking, and taking drinks from his glass right in front of him.

****

"What? We're family. It's not like you have cooties."

****

He frowns at her, and she hates that she even let him drink in the first place.

****

They’d show up during big games, cheering on the bar’s favorite team they’d never even heard of before. They liked getting caught up in the excitement. Feel the rush of people high on emotions after sitting in a car all day. Lying about supporting a team felt more easy here than even just breathing in Mystic Falls.  

****

Elena would wait until Jeremy had his mouth attached to an attractive sports enthusiast, so she could sneak out with someone to feed. She tried to be as discreet as possible, but Jeremy always knew when it was happening. He could smell the blood, even when it was far away. Him inside, her outside. The moment he knew his sister was sinking into some stranger’s neck he’d take whoever he was with into the bathroom. His mind repeating the word focus continuously between the legs of a stranger as he tried to give the best oral sex of his life every time, trying to fuck out the adrenaline that filled his body at the prospect of a hunt. Tried not to think of his sister and some innocent victim as his own teeth grazed over a woman’s neck, fucking himself senseless into her in a tiny bathroom stall. Dirty bathrooms along the east coast filled with the sounds of sex, dirty walls along the east coast with minute traces blood left on them.

****

 

****

Elena doesn't feed for too long and he becomes the biggest pain in the ass. Primal instincts of both of their new species kicking in. All she can think about is the warm body sitting next to her, it would be so easy to overpower. One little bite would ease so much stress. All he can think about is the dead body next to him, so eager to kill him, to hurt innocents. It wouldn’t be easy, but he could overpower her, sink a knife into her neck, cut her head of. It wouldn't be a clean kill, but all he wants to do is end the corruption of life next to him. Cramped space of care fueled lack of what they want so badly. They’re deadly close when she pulls to the side of the road and rushes out, slamming the door. Taking deep breaths Elena lays her back down on the front of the car, with Jeremy on his on the back. Every second laced with the urge to kill, kill, kill. I love you, but I want to kill you. She can smell the tears in his eyes, and feel her own going down her face. This has happened before, and in varying degrees it’s probably going to happen again. It takes them both an hour of some walking around and trying to put their mind on other things, before they get in the car. Jeremy drives this time.

****

 

****

When a bed and shower become too good to resist, they check into a motel. Try and soothe their aching bodies with the comfort of sheets and pillows, but training was what really decided if they were turning off the next exit or not. The days of mindless chit chat, listening to music, crosswords, and games of I spy would only keep Jeremy occupied for so long. His mind and body never strayed far from its design. As much as he tried, he couldn’t work out all of his energy with sex in the bathrooms of bars. This body, that was once his and his alone, didn’t stay tired for long.

****

Fighting each other was walking a fine, blurry line, but it needed to be done. There was no one else to train Jeremy when he needed it the most, and the raw hunter inside him was clawing at him every second. They’d stretch out a little, avoiding each other’s gaze before she’d start to taunt, push him around a bit. Breaking the small amount of control he built up throughout the day. It didn’t take much before he’d be coming at her with all his strength, and then she’d be using a fraction of hers. They never used weapons, too much of a hazard.

****

They’d fight each other with their bare hands, and internal desires to kill. Skin pressing against skin, and blood pumping rabidly for intense hours on end while he fell into his body’s natural desire to kill her, while repressing in as much as he could. They clashed together twisting, pushing, and punching. His mind’s new natural mentality of attack, with a mantra of “Don’t kill her. Don’t kill her. Don’t kill her. Goddamnit Jeremy, don’t you fucking kill her.” He knew there was a distinct and vital difference between giving in some, and giving in all the way.

****

She tried to make it all about his needs when they fought, tried to pretend he was the only one here who wanted to hurt someone. He was younger, and less experienced than her. He needed this more. But not by much. There was Jeremy throwing himself at her so eagerly to kill her, and she had to make sure that every single move she made was the right choice. Turn away a warm body full of blood. Defense. Defense. Attack. Down. Attack. Down. Defense. Repeat until they couldn’t do it anymore. She let him know after every time that he was improving, and she was proud of him. The “I love you” between the lines.

****

After resetting bones and cleaning any cuts, he’d let her have the first shower. He laid back on the bed when she closed the door. Taking deep breaths as he closed his eyes. He has nothing to do but listen to the sounds of her getting ready for her shower. First thing off is her shirt, thrown on the ground. Second, pants, she kicks them off. Plastic shower hooks sliding against a plastic rod. She turns the shower on, and closes the curtain. Silence for around a minute before she gets in the shower.

****

He sighs, turns over onto his stomach, bunching the pillow under his head, and falls asleep trying to remember why listening to Elena taking a shower reminded him of his childhood. When he wakes up she’s sitting on her bed with dry hair and pajamas watching TV.

****

“Did I wake you?”

****

“No, I’m good. What are we watching?” He drags himself up and puts his back against the wall.

****

“I don’t know, I’ve been trying to figure it out for the last ten minutes, the tv doesn’t say what movie it is. Apparently there is this girl who becomes a waitress at this…” She trails on, giving a really bad description of the movie. He doesn’t tell her this when he eventually figures out what movie it is.

****

When it’s over, they make the popcorn the place they’re staying at provides them with for the next one. The bowl is placed between them, and they sit on her bed. He catches her staring at him while he eats. Part of him wonders if she’s staring at his wrist, thinking about the blood rushing through his body. He couldn’t remember how long it had been since she last fed, the car incident was only a couple days ago. Elena laughs at a scene in the movie, and turns to him smiling. He forgets all about it.

****

Sleeping and dreams are flickers of flesh with shots of red washing over, screams and adrenaline. They wake up at separate times during the night, missing each other. The next morning, and all of the others after that, they don’t tell each other about the night. Dreams are dreams, and this is reality.

****

The sun is going down one day around a month in, or at least they think it’s around a month in, it’s getting hard to tell. They find themselves in a bar. It’s only them, and three other people. For teenagers on the road for hours this is the fun they can think of. Free drinks have been flowing into their bodies for hours. They’re ordering everything they can think of, and getting it for free.

****

Elena drunk is on the more tipsy side and her hands keep brushing over his before they both of theirs just kind of lock together.

****

They played boyfriend and girlfriend because it was easier when people asked. She understood that they were drunk touch depraved siblings in weird circumstances, but other people might not. No one knew them here, they could be anyone they said they were. The drinks made it easier for Elena to rest her hand on his thigh, and for Jeremy to put his arm around her shoulder as they talked to people. So much easier. Elena was good at deflecting the conversation to the other person so they barely talked, just listened. Absorbed themselves in someone else’s life story. They left the bar that night still holding hands, and laughing, tripping over the uneven ground.

****

“Did you see that guy?”

****

“Yes!”

****

“Oh my god, his face.”

****

Jeremy crawled into the backseat, and Elena after him. He wrapped his arms and legs around her, trying to cram them together so they can fit in small space as comfortably as possible. The seat buckles pushing against his body, but he was too drunk to care. Elena turned around, her face against his chest, burying herself as far into him as his skin and bones will allow.

****

“Good night.” She mumbled, her breath smelling strongly of alcohol.

****

“Good night.” He mumbled right back.

****

“I love you Jer.” She says placing her lips against his collar, and falls asleep.

****

The next morning she wakes up with the hangover from hell, and something she doesn’t want to think about pressing into her back. She gets out of the car and breathes in the morning air. Walking over to the drivers side she catches her reflection in the dirty car window. She stops stopping at bars after that. Alcohol is bad for your liver she tells him.

****

Wordlessly he understood why she didn’t want to go to bars anymore, and bad for your liver wasn’t it. What he remembers of the night before is foggy at best, but when he looks back at it, it’s all the feel of her skin on his, her hand on his thigh, and her laugh, he heard it a lot that night.

****

It’s a good idea for them to stop going to bars.

 

She’d pull over before sunrise somedays, and they’d climb on the top of the car to watch. No one else on the road but them, sitting and watching the the sun take over the sky. A new day for everyone else, an endless eternity for them. Sometimes they’d pull over and get on top of the car to watch the sun go instead. Looking for the green flash. Jeremy only saw in once, Elena saw it at least three times. They’d argue about if it really happened, or if Elena was making it up. She pretend to see it once. Happy conversations with smiles as she lied badly just to rile him up.

 

They sneak onto a campsite one night. Lit a fire, and made smores with what they picked up at a grocery store from some small town. The fire was the only light they could see, Jeremy closer to it because he was cold. Their parents had brought them camping out a couple times. Elena was always more a fan of it than Jeremy. They’d stopped at a point, life had gotten too busy.

****

The next morning they wake up on the ground, fire out, and with pine needles uncomfortably pressed into their bodies. People were bustling around them like they weren’t strangers, saying “Hi.” and “Good morning.” A little community of vacationers thinking they were with them. Elena plays it cool, coming up with a stream of lies. They decide to stay for a week.

****

Swimming in the lake, telling horror stories inspired by their own lives to kids around the campfire (Elena would braid their hair to comfort them after (don’t worry, it’s just a story. vampires aren’t real)), later sitting around the fire with their parents with a snuck in bottle of red, borrowing books from their neighbors to read in borrowed lawnchairs, going on natures hikes with everybody else. At night she’ll go back to the car to freed from her ever shortening supply of blood bags. It doesn’t feel right to feed from the people here. There were families there, ones like how they used to be. Jeremy would stare at them, and Elena would push him into the water, jumping in after him. They splashed more water at each other, and got in more petty fights than the little kids did. There was a junior on her swim team there. Her and Jeremy would stay in the water for hours. Moving through water calmed him in ways he hadn’t been since he’d become the hunter.

****

For seven days they blended in with everybody else. A sense of constant belonging that made the days seem like small eternities. Just two kids going on a romantic vacation outdoors. They leave with tan lines, and new friends they’d never see again.

 

****

They pass buzzing cities at night, lights beckoning them for a change in scenery. Elena drives them off the freeway, and enters a proper city. They book a room at a four star hotel for the first time. All part of changing up their pattern. They look exhausted and road traveled, out of place in the luxury. Too much time spent traveling in the car, too little sleep. While Jeremy is showering, Elena jumps on her over fluffed and over pillowed bed a couple times, letting out a stream of uncontrollable giggling and then full throated laughter. It does something to her leg muscles that after being stuck in a car for so long, feels like heaven.

****

Jeremy barely gets out of the shower, before she’s charging in, hand covering her eyes, saying it’s her turn. She kicks him out, throws a towel at him, and is taking off her top before he’s closing the door. He throws the towel on the bed, and stretches out his body, still cramped from the car.

****

He doesn’t know about her, but the moments where they’re completely alone, apart from each other, are the worst. When they’re not there by each other to take their mind off what they’re doing. Sometimes they can pretend like it's really just some vacation just for the two of them. Some sort of sibling road trip before Elena goes to college, trying to hit all of the states. But it's not, it's running. A running that he realizes will probably never end until the both of them are dead, or worse. Elena puts on a good face for him, but he sees her when she catches a glimpse of blonde hair, or a man in a suit. They're both silently waiting for the day when what they're doing finally catches up to them.

****

It’s a cool rush of relief when he hears the water turn off. She comes out of the bathroom with her fluffy white towel wrapped around her, hair dripping. She hands him her comb, and sits on the bed. One hand resting on her shoulder as he brushes her tangles out. Water getting on his bare chest. She talks to him about the brochure she read about the area while he was in the shower earlier.

****

He sits on the bed combing out her hair in his jeans. After a couple times of doing this he realized that putting on a shirt only got it wet. He lets himself get close to her, his bare skin touching hers, softly combing out her hair. Feels the closeness, the safety that comes from his big sister. His will finally growing to overpower his hunter instincts. Being around her slowly becoming less painful.

****

For silent hours they’ll stop and he’ll just touch her. His hand on her arm, his fingers on her knee, her legs resting over his lap. It’s almost worse than the fighting. The amount of concentration it takes to have a constant connection and not break it. He stretches the boundaries on how much control he has each time. She gets it, how much he needs it. Almost to the point where he wonders if she needs it too.

****

When she leaves, going back to the bathroom, he falls back onto the bed, arms covering his face. It’s harder when they’re not together, it gives him time to think about how screwed they really are.

****

She comes back in her pajamas after blow drying her hair with the provided hair dryer. Her hands messing around with it as she walks to her bed. She throws the pillows across the room and climbs into the sheets. A soft sigh of relief escaping her lips.

****

“You awake?” He whispers a few minutes later.

****

Sheets pull away from her face, eyes still closed.  “Hmmmmm.”

****

"Do you ever think of those sayings, if a tree falls in the forest, and no one hears it, does it really make a sound?”

****

He’s on top of the still made bed, back leaning against the frame.

****

She sighs. “Yes. Why?”

****

“It’s just that, do you ever think that about us?” Her eyes open immediately at that. He makes a pause long enough to make Elena feel like he wants her to respond to that. A response is almost on the tip of her tongue. “Most of the time there is no one there but us. No one knows who we are. We can do anything we wanted, and there is no one to see us, or tell us that something isn't right or it's illegal. Anything."

****

“Jeremy?”

****

“Yes?”

****

“Go to sleep.” She says turning over, away from him and pulling the sheets back over her head. Suddenly the tv he’s watching sounds too sexual. She’s about to tell him to turn it off when he does.

****

 

Her head is slamming into the back wall of a bathroom stall before she realizes anyone had entered the room. She doesn't need the air but she's panting in panic. It took longer than expected for them to run into a vampire. A dumb one at that, he's opening his mouth, letting his fangs come down, when she lets down her own. He legitimately thinks that Elena is a human before she pushes him out of the stall, bringing the door down with him. It wasn’t what she was expecting, but she’s not taking any chances.

****

She’s picking him off the floor and smashing his face into the mirror before he can get up himself.

****

“Who are you?” She yells at him. His face cut and bleeding from the broken mirror, she pushes it in further, making him whimper. She can see herself in it, and her vampire face fully out. He’s stupid, that’s for sure, but stupid doesn’t mean not here to find her and Jeremy. It's possible she can get information out of him just from her own knowledge of what's going on, but her strength, on the amount of blood that she's been drinking, isn't going to last her long. It's taking a lot just to keep him in place, and she has her body pushed up against him, nails gripping into his skin.

****

She doesn’t get an answer before Jeremy is bursting in the door.

****

“No, Jer, get out of here!” But she can see it in his face, as clearly as she can see it in her face. The drive to kill is there, and it's staring her own down.

****

The distraction that Jeremy causes is enough for the other vampire to get the upper hand. He pushes her off and heads straight at Jeremy, who is ready for an attack. She’s up and trying to pull them apart. Trying to keep Jeremy from getting hurt, while at the same time trying to keep him from hurting her. The vampire is grabbing Elena by her hair yanking her away from the fight, Jeremy is at his throat with his hands wrapped around it, burning him. Elena can smell the specific scent of vervain burning skin. He lets Elena go, and pushes Elena's back with one hand, to rip Jeremy’s hand’s away from his throat. Elena can hear the sound of bones cracking as he throws her brother against the wall, and latches his teeth into Jeremy's neck. Elena grabs onto the neck and short hair of the vampire, trying to pull him off Jeremy. He’s yelling and fighting as she pulls his neck back, ripping him from Jeremy, blood pouring out of his mouth, and latches her own teeth onto his neck, ripping into his throat.

****

The second that the blood touches her tongues it feeds something even more primal inside of her. This feels good, this makes up for hours of being trapped in a car suppressing her urges. He's fighting her, but she's the one with her teeth locked into his neck, arms wrapped around him in a death grip, jerkily ripping out his throat with her teeth. Then he stops. The blood stops flowing, his heart stops beating, and he’s graying in her arms. She retracts her teeth, and lets him fall. Jeremy is close to her, eyes looking directly into hers, breathing hard. He's got blood on his face, she realizes, right before he lunges at her.

****

It's not like training, training has at least a thread of control, this, this is survival. His hands and body are everywhere, and we won't let her go until he kills her. She's pushing him off, and pushing him against the wall, trying not to think about the bleeding wound right there close to her mouth. He's pushing a knife he had hidden god knows where into her stomach, and she's pulling it out seconds later, flinging it across the small bathroom. They crush the soap dispenser, the sink ends up shattered, and the body of the decaying vampire ends up trashed as they fight over him. He's starting to throw punches, losing tactic, not paying attention to the proper form he's been trained in. She's faster then him, easily missing each sloppy shot. She comes at him from the back, and slams him into the wall, holding him pressed against there.

****

"Take it." She's holding her bleeding arm against his mouth. Opening it herself wasn't necessary, either Jeremy or the other vampire had done it for her.

****

"No." He spits out his own blood.

****

"Yes." She yanks his head back with one hand, and pressing her arm to his mouth. Pressing, pressing, pressing, until he opens his mouth. He stutters at first, trying to reject what's pouring in, trying to cough it out, and then he starts to take it. Sucking on her body, and she's pushing him more against the wall. Her hips pushing into his as she strokes his hair from behind. She's whisper "shhh.." to him, watching as the wound on his neck starts to close up, and she can feel his body starting to relax. She can hear the sounds of his bones setting back into place. As his breath evens she starts to pull back a little, easing the pressure on her hips pushing into him, then the rest of her body. He breaks away his lips from sucking on her arm, wet mouth still resting on it, taking in slow breaths. She starts healing right away.

****

"It's okay." She pulls her arm away slowly, not really believing what she's saying, but she wants him calm as calm as possible. She takes a step back, giving him space. After a while, in what feels like an eternity, he turns to face her.

****

Her blood covering his open mouth. It’s on his tongue and coating his teeth.

****

"You're.. you're going to want something for that." She walks away, stepping over the vampire to grab some paper towels, but what is left of the dispenser is trashed. She pulls off the ruined plastic and rips off a piece. She holds them out to him, but he doesn't make a move to take them from her. Carefully, she steps closer and starts to take it off herself. The paper towel seems so rough against his soft mouth and skin. Her blood comes off with ease, but that's not what she's worried about. Jeremy has this distant look in his eyes. When she's done, and stepping away, he looks at her finally, and then pulls up the sleeve of his ruined shirt. The tattoo plainly visible. There's a cold silence in the air before Jeremy finally breaks it.

****

"We're going to have to sneak that body out of here with no one noticing."

****

They go out the back of the restaurant, Elena compelling anyone who sees them, and exit out onto the busy Las Vegas street.

****

Dead beaten vampire over her shoulder, she tries not to think about what just happened as she pushes her way through the crowd. Screaming and dancing, bodies rubbing together under the changing lights of the street. There is sex, booze, and cigarettes in the air and a dead body on her shoulder, brother following. She can feel him in the crowd, his anxiety toxic. They’re rushing through the bustle of people as fast as they can, before anyone can realize she’s carrying a dead man on her shoulder, or before Jeremy goes full vampire hunter. Whatever happens first.

****

He follows behind her, not too close, keeping his distance. He can keep his eyes on her, carrying their attacker around, but nobody is watching him. There are people touching him as he walks by, they are all touching him, and he’s getting an increasingly strong desire to protect them. Hunter instincts getting stronger again, he doesn't know how they both made it out of that bathroom alive, but being around people is making it worse. He wants to kill the monster with the beautiful face that loves him. But all he does is follow her, and try not to pay attention to the girl who drunkenly shouted “cool tats” at him. All he does is push down both his ruined sleeves.

****

 

****

They stick the body in the trunk of the car, and don't say a word to each other until they get where they’re going. Jeremy’s body literally pressed up to the side of the car as far away from her as possible. They pick the middle of no where New Mexico, a town that just barely counts as one that they'd passed through on the way to Vegas. They don't know the name of the place they are, only that the population is sparse, and the buildings are old. They hide the body in the basement of a long abandoned motel, and then get the hell out of there.

****

 

****

He doesn't want to talk to her anymore, he doesn't want to touch her, and he doesn't want to look at her. They drive faster, and for shorter periods of time. When he’s not driving he sits in the passenger’s seat and stares at the dashboard intensely for hours. Then the yelling starts, the constant yelling at each other, always avoiding contact, turning up the music so they can pretend like the other isn’t there. He screams, and she screams. They don't even really know what they're yelling about, just everything and anything.

****

Sometimes she'll pull over and announce that it's time for training. There's no pretenses, just here and now. She can feel it in every minute that passes how much he’s fighting himself trying not to attack her, and she’s getting the urge to hurt him just as much, so they might as well pretend like they’re doing it on purpose. Punches are not held back, he gives her every ounce of his strength and she deflects him, only it’s getting not as easy as it was before. The only time they touch anymore is when they fight, and it doesn't feel like it did before. Jeremy doesn't feel like her little brother that she takes care of, he's becoming more and more of a hunter before her eyes, and she hates it. When it's just them, and no other humans, only her enemy, that vampire side is really hard not to give into. She offers to clean up his wounds after they're done, but he blows her off, and does it himself. She heals by herself.

****

 

****

When she thinks he's sleeping she'll slip into the bathroom, not bothering to turn on the lights. Clothes coming off, hair pulled out of her face. Sometimes the bathrooms have big mirrors right in front of the showers, and she'll sit on the edge and watch herself. It's better that way, there isn't anyone that she wants to think about.

****

She won't dare sneak out of the motels like she did before the night in Las Vegas. Feel the freedom of being, and reconnecting with herself for a couple hours. Any thoughts of what would happen if he were to wake up and find her missing are blocked out the second she thinks them. But it's wearing on her body, the car feels more cramped, and the hours seem longer. Sometimes she'd take the car out at 3 A.M. and speed down the highway at 120 mph, with all the windows down, try to get her heart racing. Which is exactly what she'd do when she was young. Get that adrenaline rush that she was known for with her friends. Other times she'd walk around outside in the cold air. Check out the closed shops and ignore the bar crowd, or see the early morning church goers. Jeremy got it. He'd let her do her thing, and she'd let him do his thing. She doesn't know what he did for the hours that she was gone, but that was his to know.

****

She knows how risky it is to be doing this with him in the next room, and how he might not even be sleeping. He's probably not sleeping. His body was restless, even after hours of training. But she deserves this time for herself alone. She’s so on edge every second, desperate for some sort of release. Her muscles tense up, and she holds her breath. The outtake of breath was a dead giveaway if anyone was awake, and she's pretty sure he is now. She can hear the thrumming of his heart, and the shuffling on his sheets as he drags a pillow over his head. She gives herself ten minutes before her hands going between her legs again.

****

 

****

They stay in one place for a week, and somewhere between the nice sunny days and relaxed people high in the mountains, he smiles. It's pure for a second before in tenses up, but he meant it. They spend a good deal of it apart, but they’ll walk past shops, and eat in hotel restaurants everyday. Their room overlooks the lush green grass of a golf course and they walk out together some days, talking with their toes getting muddy, hands swinging out, but never touching. Elena bursts out laughing when he falls into a pond looking at ducks, and he laughs too. It's not the same though.

****

She'll look up at him from her medium rare slice of stake as he takes a bite into her hamburger, and know, just know that things have changed. There's an added layer of tension between them during each interaction. Being relaxed isn't a state, it's an effort on both their sides. I won't kill you, even though I want to, and in return you won't do the same. It's strenuous, but it's better than it was before, they can talk and look at each other. It’s just that to Elena, it looks like when he looks at her he’s sizing up how to kill her each time.

The dreams somehow get more disturbing. More blood, more violence, more… Jeremy wakes up panting most nights, all the sheets kicked off. He’ll walk into the bathroom and take a long cold shower with his hands and head against the wall.

****

The sun is hot, but there's no one to see them out in the middle of the desert, they go out and fight, it's not as intense, more controlled. He’s starting to gain a bare minimum control over his urges again. She grills him on working on his form and not losing it like he did before. Flailing is not how you win a fight. It goes through her mind that he could use this against her, the more she trains him the better he becomes. If things had been different, if he hadn't gotten so sloppy and predictable, maybe the both of them wouldn't have walked out of that bathroom alive. They'll swim in their hotel’s pool to cool any burns that they delivered.

****

The last night they’re in the same hotel room. They’d gotten two rooms on the separate side of the hotel for good reasons, but they both ended up in her room for a few minutes before dinner. Her hands are putting her hair up when he steps behind her, she tries to catch his eyes with the mirror, but he doesn’t look up. She doesn’t ask questions about his request just does it, pins him against the wall like it’s nothing, fast and hard. Her body pressing into his. It’s painful, just like he asked. She feels how he tenses the second she touches him, and it takes a few minutes for him to cool down, but his heart is accelerating more than it should, and she is afraid her’s is tuning to his. She suddenly gets more cautious of the body under hers as something more than a weapon, but she continues pressing against him into the wall. She feels like they’re skirting around some sort of edge she can’t see.

****

He thanks her after.

****

“It was no problem.” She’s straightening out her clothes.

****

“No. For the bathroom.”

****

“Yeah, like I said, no problem. As long as you’re safe, that’s all that matters.”

 

The sun beats down warm as they drive through miles of the never changing scenery, car here, dirt there, some mountains. The Beatles blasts through open windows, warm air rushing inside the car. Elena’s feeling like she can breath easier again. The sound of music filling the car instead of yelling is starting to become a daily thing as they drive through town after town. She glances over at Jeremy who cracks a smile because he knows she’s looking at him.

****

“You remember that one time when we were kids and…” she’d start.

****

The past would help him focus on his old feelings. Pull him back from the turmoil in his head. She was his sister. They were siblings. He loved her. He didn’t want to drive a stake through her heart, or remove her head.

****

He knew it was forced conversation, but he fell into it with a desperate need every time. She's there every second, but he craves her company. The sound of her voice, the memory of her skin on his. Because this was all starting to feel even more temporary, them existing together like this. He could feel the weights being added onto the scale, and sooner or later it would fully tip, and the price would be Elena's life. The more he wants to kill her, the more he wants...

****

“Stop it.”

****

“Stop what?” He takes a quick glance from the road to her. She has on her stubborn face.

****

“Stressing. Whatever you’re thinking about, stop. It’s not doing either of us any good.”

****

“I’m not stressing.”

****

“You’re such a horrible liar." She rolls her eyes.

****

A song later, "I don't want you to feel like you need to lie to me.”

 

He finds her sitting on top of the car, the sun going down to her back. No one around them, they can stop when they want. Pull off the shoulder, or just stop in the road, no one to see them. They don't stop as much anymore, since the week stay out in public they've gone into more hiding. It wouldn't have been hard for someone to track them down after that, but they both decided it was worth it. They get as far away from the general public as they can, disappearing into the roads driving, back, forward, up down, in circles, completely stopping, trying to mess with their tracks. They haven't stopped to stay in any place for a while. They take turns napping in the car, daylight or nighttime it doesn't matter, time starts loosing meaning. All they know is the road, each other in close confines, and music. Arguing about Bob Dylan's artistic talents because there is nothing better to do.

****

"I'm sorry Elena, but he cannot sing to save his life."

****

"It's not about the singing, it's about the words. Are you even listening to what he's saying?"

****

On and on for hours. Taking apart each and every single song. She falls asleep, and by the time she wakes up the CD is already playing again, and Jeremy is singing along. His voice rough and tired, but right, things have changed. She drives into that night humming along with the classic 90's hits from their childhood playing, and the day breaks with a Norah Jones CD playing.

****

"You're going to have to let me buy some new CDs. I really don't know how much more of this I can take."

****

Elena only rolls her eyes at that. They're not going to be going into town anytime soon to buy some new ones. So she turns in off, silence filling the car as they drive into the new day. That's the way they keep it, from the car, and between them. Filling the gaps with trying to get more comfortable with each other. He never lets her talk too much to him about it, but he gets the message.

****

He stretches his body out as he gets out of the back seat and walks to the back, then he pauses.

****

Elena smiles down at him from her throne on top of the car. “I have chips if you want to join me."

****

He takes her hand when she reaches out to help him clamber on top of the car. They sit there legs swinging. Feeling the air cooling as the sun goes down.

****

She’s been up here for hours and hasn’t seen a single car. There has been nothing but the steady heartbeat of sleeping Jeremy in the car. The world completely still, except for them.

****

She sighs and reaches for something behind her, throwing it on his lap. It’s an old battered altoids can. He opens it to see if it’s the same one he thinks it is.

****

“Fuck. How did you find this?”

****

Everything was exactly like how he remembered it.

****

“Looking for the iPod jack. You weren’t very clever about it hiding it.”

****

“Are you seriously going to chew me out for accidently packing weed right now?”

****

“No, I want you to roll it. I was never very good at it.”

****

Everything inside of him is setting off red warning signs. Elena not good at rolling a joint. Elena and a joint. Elena and him and a joint.

****

He’s licking the paper and he still doesn’t know what to make of it. She’s staring at him, each precise hand movement he does to make it perfect. The match strikes, and there is a small fire between them.

****

“Okay, don’t burn yourself.” He feels almost irresponsible, letting her do this.

****

“I was alive before you, I know what I’m doing.” She gives him this smile that makes him curious about the late nights when she was gone when they were younger.

****

They share, smoking and eating chips. Hands lightly brushing over each other for seconds at a time. They determine that they need a bigger bag, but neither of them want to get down to get some more from the trunk.

****

They're on their backs, laying on top of the car. They really need to clean it, but right now he doesn't mind the dust and dirt. He feels easier, lets it wash over him. The drugs calm the hunter. This is the closest his mind has felt to being his own in a while. He can taste her spit on the joint they're sharing, how it tastes wrong in his mouth, but the amount of fucks he has about it is clouded.

****

“I think about killing you a lot.” His voice is rough from the smoke. He doesn’t look at her when he says it, staring up at the fading sky almost like he’s talking to himself.

 

Silence.

****

They both let it hang in the air between them. The sound ringing through their ears.

****

“Me too.”

****

It’s a confession that that they both knew, yet neither of them wanted to admit. It feels like a weight holding her underwater has been lifted. She thinks about it a lot. She thinks about maybe telling him the other troubling thoughts that run through her mind, but she keeps them to herself.

****

The sky is a beautiful dark purple clinging to the light before it goes completely dark when they get down. A little woozy, but Elena's vampire assisted mind handles the effects better than Jeremy's. They don't drive that night.

****

She puts the keys into the ignition to play some music. Recently found ipod jack flooding the car with new music.

****

“So what we get drunk, so what we sm-”

****

“No. Elena. Stop.”

****

She hums the rest.

 

They’re somewhere. It all starts to look familiar after a while. Maybe they’ve been here before, maybe they haven’t. There isn’t anything about this gas station that is special to make them remember it, or about any gas station really. It becomes so much so where all moments at gas stations seem to merge into one, like they’re all existing at once. Only thing setting them apart is the bright light of day, or the bright light of an open and beer signs.

 

Dark nights are disturbed by bright neons, beckoning like a siren’s song. Motel, rooms available. They don’t remember checking in, or walking to the room. Neither of them question that there is one bed at the time. They try talking about their plans for the next day, but it doesn’t really work. Both of them drifting off too fast to care that not only are they on top of the sheets, but on top of each other. The night is soundless, and the morning is a mess of tangled limbs. Elena’s the first one to wake up, she needs less sleep. Jeremy’s sleeping with his mouth open, forehead pressing against hers. She presses closer for a second before slowly pulling his body away from hers. His body sort of drags along with her like he doesn’t want to let go. The heavy curtains block out most of the lights, but he’s up when she returns from the bathroom. The clock reads 10 A.M., which means they got six hours of sleep. It’s more than they usually do. She takes off her pants, pulls back the sheets, and goes back to sleep.

 

It happens one night. Her hand trying to fix a messy bit of hair, and she can tell, he gets that look on his face. He slaps her hand out of his hair and it hurts. She should know better. She should know better than to touch him when he's not expecting it, and that hurts worse.

****

He says that it's turn his turn to drive the car. She lets him.

****

He drives them out of the little town that they're in and looks for something bigger. Not too populated, but something with a bar for the first time since that night. She feels his anger, and it feeds into her. The more and more time she spends next to him the more it feels like she's feeling what he's feeling too. As if the more of a hunter he becomes, the more of a vampire she feels.

****

However long it takes Jeremy to find a town, and drive around it until they find a bar is too long. They're about 50 miles east from the middle of nowhere, but it's good enough.

****

The bar is filled with people on Saturday night. There's a game going on and they go their separate ways as soon as the enter the place. She knows it's better to leave him alone right now, let them both work it out of their systems.

****

The bartender is yelling out free shots for everyone who supports their team, and Elena pledges her diehard allegiance. Yelling, arms up, shouting out the name of the team, and half the bar does the same thing. The rush of happy drunk adrenaline replacing the toxicity of the car. She gets one drink in her and then downs three more.

****

The music is classic, none of that modern shit the woman making her drink says.

****

Jeremy is no where to be seen by the time she starts to feel something, it's better than nothing, and she's gaining respect from the townsfolk for her drinking skills. The crowd erupts when their team scores, and she yells with them. There is this nagging feeling in her that she shouldn't be feeding when Jeremy is on edge, but there are so many people in here, so many drunk excited people with their blood pumping faster than normal, and the fact that she doesn't even know where he is, only makes it more tempting.

****

She takes up a conversation with one of them in a jersey with the number 23 on it. He's cute, and enthusiastic about the game, but for the life of her can't remember that his name is by the time they're making out in the bathroom. His lips are slow and sweet, his hands gently exploratory. He whispers in her ear that she's beautiful, and she can tell that he means it. He's young, not younger than Jeremy, but something about this feels more wrong that in usually does. She puts little kisses on his neck, her hands sliding down to his pants. The crowd erupts in cheers and she knows that the team she's pretending to root for just won.

****

"Sounds like we won." He says. Young, why does he sound so young? He looks barely to be just out of high school, and she saw him drinking. Yeah, like that means anything as she thinks of herself and Jeremy.

****

"Yeah. Hey you want to go out there? We can pick this up later." She smiles at him, acting coy and shy like a girl was taught to at her age. The person who was kissing this stranger wasn't her.

****

He takes a deep breath, wraps one arm around her shoulder and says, "Sure."

****

He's got his arm over her shoulder. Elena wraps her fingers around his and gives him a kiss as they walk out. They both shout with the rest of the crowd and indulge in another beer. His friends give him shit for missing one of the most amazing plays that they've ever seen. Apparently 23 really kicked some ass.

****

"Ah, whatever man shut up" He shouts at him. "WE STILL FUCKING WON." More cheering, they're loud, and the only thing louder is their pounding hearts.

****

They yell about the game and drink some more, and Elena still can't see Jeremy, but she's leading Mr. nameless out to dance. There's not really the space or the atmosphere for it, but she slides around his body anyway. Grinding up close to him, and putting her hands in hair. He eats it up. Staring at her like she's the one who's going to be the meal. Her eyes shifting around the room as dances trying to spot Jer.

****

It's not polished, but it's not long before they start making out on the floor in front of everyone. He’s still sweet, his mouth fitting to hers perfectly. He tastes like beer and skittles. She hears a couple shouts of get a room in the background noise. He pulls away to take another drink from his beer, when his entire body is pulled away, beer spilling all over his face.

****

"What the fuck?" He yells. Jeremy has himself wedge between the two of them. Taking a step forward, he pushed 23 back farther from her.

****

"Get off."

****

Elena doesn't see his face, but she can imagine exactly what it looks like with that voice. 23 is a decent sized guy, but he looked pretty freaked before he got composed. It's starting to cause a scene, drunk people in a bar, plus an angry little brother, not a good combination.

****

"Jer," She speaks slowly, trying to get the feeling of warning to reach him. "I think we should go." This goes way beyond them and their vampire/hunter shit. This type of public outburst is one big step towards getting them found out.

****

She knows better than to reach out and touch him, but he's the one who reaches out and takes her hand leading her out. Everyone watches them, and she gives a little "everything is going to be fine" wave to guy she was kissing seconds before. He looks baffled when she turns her head, and follows Jeremy out, most of the bar looking at them as they leave.

****

“You drive." He says throwing her the keys. She catches them, but just barely. He hadn't calmed down a bit from when they had entered the bar, if anything he's even more tense. The night is dark, and there aren't many street lamps to light it up. She lets everything blur by. These streets, stores, houses, people mean nothing to them. Out of this place and on to the next, one right after the other, going on and on. She pushes speed limits, because right now it's the only thing that she can do. Jeremy's by her side all jittery. It's a rock and a hard place, she can't not ask, but the answers would be dangerous to hear. They're driving without road lights now, all dark, nothing but their car, when Jeremy tells her to pull over. It's an apart sound after his silence, but she does it.

****

He doesn't know where they are only that this place, right now, right here feels like it's only them. No bar, no other people, no one tracking them down. And at any second there could be a car, or someone could find them that they don’t want to be found by.

****

He's out of the car fast, and Elena follows suit.

****

"Are we going to talk about this?"

****

She stands by her door that she just slammed, the keys still in the ignition, lights left on.

****

Quiet.

****

"What happened back there?" Her voice is softer, trying to coax him back to her. He's not as far gone right now as he has been before.

****

He says the first thing that comes to mind. "What are we doing?"

****

He'd walked out into the clearing by the road, but now he's walking towards her. Trying to work off his raw energy. He's not sure at this point what's stronger, that need to kill, or that side effect of that need to kill. That's how he thinks of it and he'll be damned if he ever refers to it as anything else. Blood lust does funny things to you, because as much as he's certain he wants to kill her right now, he's also one hundred positive that that's the last thing that he wants to do right now. Seeing her with that guy sent his mind into overdrive.

****

"We're surviving Jeremy, that's what we're doing." She'd been planning this. As much as she's hoped that everything would somehow miraculously work out, she's had this conversation a thousand times with herself. "If you don't want to come back to the car, I understand." He's passing back and forth, swinging out his arms.

****

He stops moving. This isn't exactly the ideal conversation he wants to be having right now, but it needed to happen at some point. With all the shit that's already happened tonight. Why not? Just layer it all on.

****

"Because the way I see it, it's not that much longer before everything catches up with us. How much longer are we going to play this game? I can't protect you from-" He's slipping.

****

"I don't need protection, if there's anyone who does it's my kid brother who almost got himself into a bar fight. Are you trying to get us found? Jer, if you're tired of this, just tell me."

****

This had been her idea. This had been her idea. This had been her idea. Fuck. All of this and she can see how tired he is. He's still human, he's still a kid, just like she is. She tried doing this with him for once, instead of compelling him away, or trying to remove his memories. They were staying safe and taking their lives back together, instead of alone.

****

She walks toward him, he's leaning against the front of the car, arms crossed, staring at the road. Being in the car with him was intense, but nothing compares to the way he's looking at her right now. It's not the I'm going to kill you intense, but he looks at her raw, and feels like he's really looking into her.

****

"If you want to go home, I'll do it. Drive us back tonight if you want."

****

Beg for mercies from those they were escaping, and hang their heads in shame for the friends the abandoned. She doesn’t know how she’d do it, but she would. Deal with going back to Mystic Falls and facing that life again. The idea makes her feel sick.

****

He stands up, and circles her until her back is against the car where his used to be.

****

"You and I both know that we are way beyond going back." He's close, body almost touching her's, but just barely not. It doesn't need to. “Not after this.” He's not really sure what's he's saying. There about three different conversations going on in his head, and one of them is coming out of his mouth.

****

She blinks at him.

****

"Are... What are you talking about?"

****

He's the first one to lean his body in, it's about two seconds of hesitation, but it's her lips that touch his first. Both their eyes are open, and then they shut. She unwraps her arms from the defensive position around her body, and wraps them around him. Going up to pull him closer, wrapping her legs around him. His own hands are digging into her ribs, sliding them down to her ass, their hips grinding into each other as he lifts her up and putting her properly on the car. He's trying to get her to lay on her back, but she just wants to cling to him, explore his mouth, feel his body, keep him wrapped in her arms. He reaches his hand around his neck, to take hers, and with a surge of force pushes them both onto the car.

****

Their lips separate, and there's a moment where they both realize what they're doing off the side of the road in some state that they barely know.

****

Jeremy's lips find her collarbone, and go down, and down, and down. He doesn't want to rip the dress that she's wearing, but he will. His hands slide up her thighs, taking the fabric of her dress and pulling it up. She takes over for him, and pulls the rest off herself, falling back down on the car of her own accord. He drops back to his knees in a second, dragging her to the edge of the car, and pulling her underwear off. He bites into the flesh of each of her thighs. He won't kiss her, he'll tease her with pain. Try to force his aggression to wear off. She's so close, so vulnerable, but when his mouth makes it between her legs he finds exactly what he's been looking for. Both their bodies brace for the contact. Elena let's out this sigh, and Jeremy's hands grip tighter on her hips. Her back curves up on the car, legs shifting, hands grabbing at what they can. The car, her breasts, his head, his hands over her hips.

****

The air is silent except for them. No other cars passing by, no birds, no crickets, no planes, just them. Little moans, shifts of fabrics, and soft sounds skin against skin. So Elena lets herself be loud. Lets her voice and pleasure fill the atmosphere, take over every other sound. Jeremy illuminated by the car lights, on his knees with legs wrapped around his body belonging to a shadowy body.

****

Elena keeps her eyes open, staring up at the night sky. Nothing around them, no cities for miles. The sky is clear and the stars seem closer than they ever have. She closes her eyes, and she can still see the stars perfectly.

****

Being on the car isn't comfortable, her back hurts, and it's dirty, but she wouldn't move off of it now. His mouth breaks away from her, and his tongue does something, the sort of oh god that was a nice please do that again something. She loses a direct understanding of time, all she can feel is how nice it feels to have him between her legs. How nice his mouth feels on her, his tongue, and his teeth. How is lips are a little rough, but his experience more than makes up for it. How the sounds he’s making makes it seem like he takes an immense amount of pleasure from doing this. He slows down, drawing out each movement. Slower, and slower until she shudders with each move. She can't feel the exactly feel the heat or the cold, but she can feel the varying differences between the two, how warm the humid air feels around her, and how much warmer and nicer Jeremy's mouth feels on her.

****

She hears a car off in the distance, coming towards them. Her hands tightening their hold in Jeremy's hair, listening to the sound of the oncoming car, his mouth continuing to work in ignorance. By the time the car is passing them, lights shining bright in her eyes, she's orgasming.

****

Elena pulls him up, dragging him over her body onto the car with her. His mouth fumbling to finding hers, her hands finding his pants, tugging them off. Here they were no one, everyone,  just a couple of kids seeking a thrill. She knew exactly who they were, and exactly what they were doing. His breath on her neck as he kisses there feels like safety. Everything is alright.

****

They're both beyond desperate, touching wherever they can. Kissing on every body surface they can find. She bites down lightly on his tattooed arm, and he makes this hissing sound. He just wants her mouth everywhere, he just wants his mouth to be everywhere on her. He sinks his fingers in her, and her body does this post orgasmic quiver. This is control, this is power. The hunter in him thinks that nothing compares to the satisfactory feeling of killing vampires, but the human knows that in reality there is nothing better than this right here. Her eyes staring straight into his. Eighteen years leading up to one point.

****

She feels warm around him, some sort of sick safety that feels so good in his mind. His hips are a little shakey at first, adrenaline not sure how to course it's why through his body, and he doesn't want to lose it all at once. Her hands pulling him down from standing to laying on top of her, setting a smooth rhythm with her hips. She wraps her arms and legs around him, his body barely supporting itself leaning over onto her on the car. He's not sure how they're not falling over, he pushes them further up in the car with his hip's pursuits. She's everywhere around him. Her body, her smell, her breath. She's whispering dirty little things at him, guiding his hands to where she wants them, using her lips to get reactions out of him.

****

He wants his hands around her throat, but he takes them and wraps them around her wrists, pressing her body firmly against the car. Its gotta hurt, but he's riding such a pleasure adrenaline high. Putting all of his energy into the fuck. God he wants to... and he's lost in the moments where the killing urge disappears, he just wants her. All of her, and it's right in front of him. He's almost concerned it's the heat, the haze causing his brain to imagine things, but then she does something with his hips, and it's real. It's grounding to a place in the world. After all the traveling, leaving from one place to another, this feels in the right now, this moment.

****

Then he falls off the car. The side of his body crushing into the ground, Elena falling on top of him. Shits and fucks being muttered as they land.

****

"We really should have seen that coming."

****

She gets this look on her face and then bursts out laughing. A fit of giggles that sounds so amazing. She only stops laughing when she puts her mouth on his.

****

They'd dusted off, grabbed their clothes, turned off the lights in the car and gotten in the back seat. Frantic kissing, and lighter touches. Softly exploring each other's skin. Placing kisses on scars and bruises and freckles.

****

"I didn't know you had a birthmark there." He said, and she smacked him on the head for that.

****

"Ow." He bit it softly with his teeth.

****

The heat of night was fading, but the the car was warm. Elena riding on top slowly, her hair falling over her shoulders in a partially curled mess. Her hands on his chest, nails digging in when she hit her clit just right.

****

He told her to do it, so she did. Let her nails go into his skin, blood seeping out of the small wounds. She wasn't sure who it felt better for, her, or him. His mouth curled up in a way that almost made him look like the vampire, and he hands tighten on her hips, grinding her into him. He comes shortly after that, and she reaches down with her hand to finish herself off. He watches her with dazed eyes.

****

They're passed out and naked by the time the sun starts to comes up. It's a hazy morning, with the sun pouring through the fog, their car the only one on the road, which is surrounded by sparse trees.

****

There's just enough sun coming into the foggy backseat window to make the highlights in Jeremy's hair stand out. He needs a haircut. They could go somewhere fancy, or maybe some little barber shop that only the locals know about. They could do anything they wanted. She lets her hands run through it, she could always do it herself. He grabs her arm after a couple seconds, his eyes still closed as his hand slides up to hers.

****

"No. Elena. Sleep."

****

She squeezes his hand and he opens his eyes. There it is.

****

His face is mildly horrified for a few tense moments before he bolts up, and they're kissing. Breath tastes awful, but it doesn't matter. They fuck in the backseat again. He's sitting down head leaning back against the window, as she grinds her hips. The rising sun burning her eyes, so she keeps them closed. She can hear each heartbeat, every sigh, and groan. Can picture all his face expressions. The fog is gone, and the sun fully up by the time they're done. She pulls on her dress from last night, not bothering to put on a bra, and drives north. He sits next to her in silence, and she focuses on the road.

****

They get a room at a motel with every intention of talking. But then they get close, and somehow Elena's mouth manages to get preoccupied with things other than talking. She's put her hair in a ponytail, and she lets him grab at it, twisting it around his hand. No one here is going to question the sounds he makes. One hand is busy with herself, the other wrapped around him along with her mouth. She should have never known what that felt like, but she was glad she did. Tomorrow, they both agree, and go to sleep in separate beds.

****

Then tomorrow becomes tomorrow's tomorrow, then a week, then a month. No one has caught them, there have been no stray vampires, nothing has changed. They still go to gas station stores at 3 A.M. and argue over which cereal to buy like before.

****

They start kissing in public. In crowded places where everyone can see them, in the middle of nowhere, next to national monuments. His hands tracing circles on the insides of her thighs at a movie theatre. He gets aroused every time he sees she's put her hair up. Sometimes she'll look at him in public, and it's not sexual at all. Her gaze is powerful and speaks volumes to everyone who sees it. They don't introduce themselves as brother and sister, and not girlfriend/boyfriend, just together if anyone asks them about it. Because that's what they are. Together in blood. Together in sex. Together in running away from ancient vampires. Together in controlling each of their individual urges to kill each other. Together.

 

**Author's Note:**

> this fic started out as a a joke tumblr post made January 2013 and took me until the next year to finish.  
> I wanted to explore escapism and isolation and fighting multiple layers of temptation. who we become and what comes up in different circumstances. these two children in a war that they were born into and never wanted to fight. doomed siblings taking charge of their life but still left with the MAJOR BULLSHIT THAT MYSTIC FALLS GAVE THEM. lines. so many lines that should not be crossed but might have maybe already been crossed, and then *totally* crossing them.
> 
> It took me a long time of writing, revising, editing and at 10 pm to 1:30 am to get to the point of sharing, but I did it! Big thanks to all my friends for supporting and believing in me in my ridiculous year long journey of writing, editing, and at one point, crying. Thank you all so much.
> 
>  
> 
> p.s. if you liked it, I appreciate you taking the time to write a comment. thank you! <3


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